Alcoholic

image stolen from digital-art-gallery.com

First, let me be clear. Alcohol is a fucking poison, a horrible tasting, rotten putrid liquid that makes you take bloody shit the next day. No matter how "smooth" you claim a whiskey is it still tastes like ass. Alcohol is bad for me, it is the worst shit that ever happened to me and one of the main reasons for my downfall in 3D. 

I cannot leave alcohol, when I am sad I need alcohol, when I am happy it is drink time. Got a girl, lets drink. The girl blew you off, get me a drink. Everything is a god damn excuse for drinking. I will become an alcoholic like my brother and father faster than they did. 

Why do girls work

image stolen from de-conversion.com

Went on a walk with a girl. Talked bullshit, ogled at other girls. Along the way this girl tells me about the real motivation of her working— to tell her future husband to fuck off when he tries to financially discipline her. 

This struck me so hard it almost killed off my boner. I know the only reason guys work is so that they have something cool to say when girls ask, "What do you do". All work for men is nothing but elaborate courtship ritual so that you are not instantly eliminated in the first round by girls.Man will go to the moon and back to impress the girls at the bars

Revelation: Edward Satan

image stolen from guardian.com

I have always had a theory — God is evil. No, that is pretty much it God is evil.  

My take on the Biblical story is as follows:

Lucifer found out about the ass-holiness of God and revealed that to the world. God went into panic mode and sent his son on a PR mission to cover up the Lucifer shit and slander Lucifer as Satan. All the while covering up the real revelation that God is evil.

"If so then how do you explain happiness, goodness and everything nice", asked an idiot.

Well God is evil but he is also incompetent and the only thing that saves us is his incompetence coming in the way of his plans to raw dog us up our ass.

So remember: Satan was the Snowden of his times.

Career

Image stolen from simplum.com

"What are you going to do?", is one of the most frequently heard questions. It is also the number four reason depressed people give for their misery. Dammit how difficult do you have to make it for a hobo. 

It is astounding how much people obsess over something that brings so much grief in so short a life.

I have to give it to the puritans, their worship of labor and work is pretty much the secular dogma of our times. People have been brainwashed to "find themselves" through their work. Work is evil in a Keyzer Soze way, it will come after your happiness, its relatives and so on till none is left. There is not a damned reason to work hard for a career and even if you do there are no jobs.

Jetsons: The nightmare edition

Image stolen from retroland.com

I am not an old fart therefore people my age do not listen to me and geezers wont and who gives a fuck about children. Burn this in your memory there are no jobs out there. The machines are coming, the Luddites were right, they only had the timing off.

First they came for the blue collar and every body said more education
Then they came for IT workers and they said globalization
Then they came for White collar and TV said free market
Then the robots came
And then there were none

True Romance

image stolen from smariorganics.com

I am one of the most realistic people on planet. I will shoot down dewey-eyed girls fantasizing about their worthless masters without second thoughts and will tell a midget to stop pursuing basketball. But in a very paradoxical way I am also the most delusional dreamer on the planet.

One of the first things men learn about women is that they do not love you if you love them and vice-versa. This simple glitch in programming is so evil that I sometimes feel that it is not a glitch at all and God programmed it on purpose. With sadism that makes Jigsaw look like a harmless senile old fart, God programmed humans in such a way that to have any chance in finding love, romance and fornication you follow this script:

Grow up dammit! Be an adult

"It's time you became an adult", its been a while since I heard that. What does that actually mean, I don't know but will make an attempt.

Firstly, whenever you tell someone to "Grow Up" it basically means "be miserable" or "eat some shit and pretend it is chocolate". It is the most efficient phrase ever devised to get people to do soul crushing, mind numbing chores.