The Wildebeest Principle

image stolen from natgeo.com

Humans do not crave happiness as the greatest goal, it is there at the top but not over everything else. What they really crave for is drama, a bittersweet drama. Humans crave a memory that has all the elements which they can remember fondly when the dust has settled. This is why people marry or at least feel intense pangs of sadness for not being married, it happens even to the best of us and anyone who says otherwise is lying. The dreams of having memory of a happy married life is probably the greatest opium ever for men. The drug of a happy ending is the greatest drug of them all and for men it inevitable falls to him getting his muse (girls for most part). So for all the drug addicts here is the cheat code that will put you above the competition (99% of people who have not read this and 99.9% of those who have read this).

Ahab and the Tobacco Harpoon

image stolen from poptastes.com

Was smoking cigarette in a semi-public place. As expected the demon weed brought a sniffing hound in the form of an obese girl in early twenties who would look attractive to a paraplegic binge porn watcher under effect of sorcery level hallucinogen. This girl tried to purge me of my sins of smoking extortionately taxed tobacco, she waved her finger, told me about the perils of smoking, let me bathe in her aura of moral and civic superiority, and finally let the horror sink in that I, a lowly pleb, had fouled the air breathed by her.

Reckless Girls

image stolen from popmatters.com

Disclaimer: I hate stories where you have to click 20 times to watch 20 photos. For the purpose of this post only the first photo suffices.

Was surfing through net and found this story. Aside from being the last photo of the deceased, it is also an ode to that unique quality of humans that will forever separate us from machines—Stupidity. It is a collection of regular people doing mind boggingly stupid acts for/while taking their last selfie. Some of the acts listed are so stupidly retarded that the story has to be real. The story is also female dominated with the fairer sex putting to question the wisdom of granting them the vote and boy do they make a strong case for repeal of voting laws.

Don't get me wrong this is not a post complaining about the sheer incompetence and looniness that surrounds us, I am a fine specimen of incompetence and buffoonery and am miserably aware of that. I have eloped before exams to fornicate with moderately attractive girls all the while sure that the test exam will be postponed due to sheer power of my imagination or a huge meteor strike, so I am not unfamiliar with the dark arts of idiocy. No, this post is deeper than that. You see, what got me interested was the way the first girl died. The Russian chick took a selfie while being suspended high above the ground on a narrow pole, a fucking pole.

Alcoholic

image stolen from digital-art-gallery.com

First, let me be clear. Alcohol is a fucking poison, a horrible tasting, rotten putrid liquid that makes you take bloody shit the next day. No matter how "smooth" you claim a whiskey is it still tastes like ass. Alcohol is bad for me, it is the worst shit that ever happened to me and one of the main reasons for my downfall in 3D. 

I cannot leave alcohol, when I am sad I need alcohol, when I am happy it is drink time. Got a girl, lets drink. The girl blew you off, get me a drink. Everything is a god damn excuse for drinking. I will become an alcoholic like my brother and father faster than they did. 

Why do girls work

image stolen from de-conversion.com

Went on a walk with a girl. Talked bullshit, ogled at other girls. Along the way this girl tells me about the real motivation of her working— to tell her future husband to fuck off when he tries to financially discipline her. 

This struck me so hard it almost killed off my boner. I know the only reason guys work is so that they have something cool to say when girls ask, "What do you do". All work for men is nothing but elaborate courtship ritual so that you are not instantly eliminated in the first round by girls.Man will go to the moon and back to impress the girls at the bars

Revelation: Edward Satan

image stolen from guardian.com

I have always had a theory — God is evil. No, that is pretty much it God is evil.  

My take on the Biblical story is as follows:

Lucifer found out about the ass-holiness of God and revealed that to the world. God went into panic mode and sent his son on a PR mission to cover up the Lucifer shit and slander Lucifer as Satan. All the while covering up the real revelation that God is evil.

"If so then how do you explain happiness, goodness and everything nice", asked an idiot.

Well God is evil but he is also incompetent and the only thing that saves us is his incompetence coming in the way of his plans to raw dog us up our ass.

So remember: Satan was the Snowden of his times.

Career

Image stolen from simplum.com

"What are you going to do?", is one of the most frequently heard questions. It is also the number four reason depressed people give for their misery. Dammit how difficult do you have to make it for a hobo. 

It is astounding how much people obsess over something that brings so much grief in so short a life.

I have to give it to the puritans, their worship of labor and work is pretty much the secular dogma of our times. People have been brainwashed to "find themselves" through their work. Work is evil in a Keyzer Soze way, it will come after your happiness, its relatives and so on till none is left. There is not a damned reason to work hard for a career and even if you do there are no jobs.

Jetsons: The nightmare edition

Image stolen from retroland.com

I am not an old fart therefore people my age do not listen to me and geezers wont and who gives a fuck about children. Burn this in your memory there are no jobs out there. The machines are coming, the Luddites were right, they only had the timing off.

First they came for the blue collar and every body said more education
Then they came for IT workers and they said globalization
Then they came for White collar and TV said free market
Then the robots came
And then there were none